Determination

Drifting and existing are the only words to describe the past two years with self isolation, a welcome retreat from the concern of those near and dear. The virus gripping the world provided a shield to sink back into the private comfort of grief. Understanding the push to do something versus the pull to hang back; gives permission to settle into the couch and mindless oblivion. Drifting through days filled with nonsensical clips from the inter webs was much easier than set about moving forward and living. Existing.

A new day, full of promise. Awake, fresh from the shower, makeup on and ready to face the world; mind made up, I'm doing this. First act of this day, book a session at a writer's festival, and it feels like I have kick started this shy interest in writing, even if only as a voyeur at this point. I write words, I edit them and I weave a story. Whether writing a technical report or this blog of my thoughts, the words become a story and I like the feeling.

So how do you overcome that plaguing voice on repeat in the back of your head. Like an ostenato phrase that accompanies all things; underlining and pushing old doubts forward. You are nothing more than a competent impostor with no formal training. Are those words on a screen or page yours and did you tell a story? Your insights may not be award winning, but they may bring some clarity to the depth of feeling underlying the bubbling surface of me. Not a fraud.